Paris Hilton’s Lady Junk Akin to a Luxury Good

In some sort of revisionist PR jujitsu, Paris Hilton is claiming she has only had sex with “a couple of people.” She cold fed that line to Glamour magazine, which didn’t even bother to dispute it.  “‘I think it’s important to play hard to get,’ offered Hilton. ‘Nobody wants the fake Prada bag; they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive.'”  Yes, the retroactively chaste heiress just compared her lady flower to a designer handbag. It gets worse.  As some sort of weird badge of pride, the American Handbag Lovers Association championed her claim, stating “We’re glad that Ms. Hilton has acknowledged our unique point of view by comparing her vagina to an expensive handbag.”  (Sidenote: Can someone check to see whether anyone’s gotten Herpes from a Birkin bag?)

Then later:  “Hilton obviously knows her precious vagina is on that level. It’s an expensive, classy vagina that—like a fine handbag—may take years to get, and not some stretched out old canvas Mossimo anyone with a Target card can buy.”  Hahaha, WHAT?! [E! Online]

Anyway!  Below is a list of equally absurd things  just as comparable to Paris Hilton’s vagina as an overpriced purse:

A kangaroo pouch

The shag-carpeted interior of a custom van

A jar of pennies

A cold bowl of Cream of Mushroom soup

Gandalf’s robe

A macrame plant holder

A geode

String theory