Busting a Nut

bbchrome1.jpgOver Christmas, while driving with my sister and brother-in-law to Tampa, we found ourselves behind a pickup truck on the highway, and dangling from the vehicle’s trailer hitch was a set of shiny, swinging balls. Balls! It took a moment to process. Who was this tinted-windowed, truck driving, blatant ball displayer? Yet! If the automobile is an unconscious expression of the phallus, why not take it to the natural conclusion and include the testes? In the flat, stark Florida sunlight they swayed back and forth, disconcertingly, mesmerizingly. (How may traffic accidents can be attributed to these?) While some styles are garish, these shiny chrome eggs swayed metronomically; it was almost like the sensation of watching a Newton’s Cradle, the back and forth motion so soothing and steady.

Well, according to Radar, the rising trend has offended the sensibilities of residents of the state of Virginia. (And rightly so! WTF, Florida?) A state delegate has proposed a ball ban bill to curtail the trend of “truck nuts.”

Far be it from me to impede on self-expression, but the whole “my truck’s got low-hangers” thing smacks of overcompensation. But when has the south ever not been about that?

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13 Responses to Busting a Nut

  1. I still can’t believe those nuts weren’t a hallucination of my fever. Oh, also? Today being a snowday, I was watching this consumer report on TV about the PedEgg!! Thumbs up, women of the triad, was the verdict. The news-lady and PedEgg victim-consumer spent like 5 full minutes running their fingers through the food dust, which the camera decided to make into a really gross close-up.

  2. ephemerist says:

    @SmcN: A shiny, testicular fever dream! Speaking of the PedEgg, lord, it’s still getting comments.

  3. Jane says:

    Silver car testicles made out of foot dust. You got it!

    (PS: I like the comment that praised your excellent writting.)

  4. ephemerist says:

    @jane: GAK!

  5. ephemerist says:

    @ Jane. Also: I like comments. So I don’t mind if someone hurriedly typed “writting” not “writing,” the irony of that notwithstanding. I will take any compliment I can get. I am that desperate. *sigh*

  6. Jane says:

    I was just pointing out the irony. I wasn’t saying your writing wasn’t good, silly. Your writing is gude! And to prove it, I’m going to read some more of it now.

  7. ephemerist says:

    @ Jane: Again, failed! I wasn’t saying that I thought you said my writing wasn’t good, I was defending the commenter who you pointed out ironically wrote “writting” not “writing.” Oof.

  8. Jane says:

    I ignore/forgive most typos but I think the ironic/funny ones are sometimes worth pointing out. Like when Listy wrote “load” when she meant to write “loan” in my post about herpes. That’s a funny typo cause “load” could mean cum which is related to how herpes is transmitted. Freudian and whatnot.

    I would really rather address why you hate Mexicans.

  9. ephemerist says:

    Well, that load one took it to a whole other level. I applauded that typo. Also: I LOVE ALL RACES. Well, I have. At least once. But thoroughly.

  10. KilKenney says:

    If you want to get ripped off buying a set of truck nuts or bulls balls go to allthenutz.com or yournuts.com Just be careful, They use bait and switch tactics at the sites. Both Kenneth Ham, the owner and his worthless younger brother David Ham have abusing people since their early days in grade school. Everybody had bullies to contend with when they went to school. These two have never stopped, they are still liars and spread filth about their competitors because they can’t compete in a business like manner.

  11. reporter666 says:

    Hello Ephemerist, would you please contact me via my page at http://reporter666.wordpress.com/ regarding the post here by KilKenney, thanks or you can e-mail me

  12. Sonny says:

    ‘reporter666’ is really Kenneth Ham.
    Part of the Ken and David Ham klan.

    The website he lists has been shut down because of his lies and defamation.

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