Dick On the Box…and the Silver Screen

figleaf_hansadvertlg.gifTwo pieces in two separate papers today focused on the preponderance of peen in pop culture lately. The Post, using Viggo Mortensen’s full-frontal foray in the upcoming Eastern Promises as a jumping off point, gives a blow-by-blow (heh!) account of actors who’ve dropped trou for their art. It’s a pretty standard list, mostly covering mainstream Hollywood stars like Ewan McGregor and Harvey Keitel (shudder).

Over at the Observer, there’s a more in-depth analysis, citing everything from HBO’s new show “Tell Me You Love Me” to the theater to Viggo Mortensen’s aforementioned weenie wagging.

[P]enises and testicles are seemingly everywhere, flapping in the breeze. This year, major franchise players like Lord of the Rings’ and X-Men’s Sir Ian McKellen (“Gandalf’s Gonads!” cheered the British press) and Harry Potter’s Daniel Radcliffe have continued the theater’s (always ahead of its cinematic cousin) tradition of disrobing on the stage. Three movies currently working the festival circuit, and pointing toward award-show glory, all offer an eyeful more than what we’re used to from established actors. There’s Ang Lee’s NC-17-rated Lust, Caution, which this week snagged top honors with the Golden Lion Award at the Venice Film Festival despite the film’s graphic sex and partial male nudity (compliments of famed Hong Kong star Tony Leung). Into the Wild, written and directed by Sean Penn, contains a scene of Emile Hirsch (certainly all grown up from his The Girl Next Door days) floating au natural down an Alaskan stream. And Viggo Mortensen heroically fights for his life wearing only his tattoos in one of the more gripping scenes in the David Cronenberg thriller Eastern Promises. One could be forgiven for wondering: Is the scrotum the new cleavage?

Gah! Let’s hope not. But will it come to pass, as the Observer wonders, that “there will soon be a future where it won’t just be the female actresses worrying over nudity clauses”? Doubtful. As delightful as the idea of leveling the playing field may be, it seems dudes are still mostly disrobing for “the sake of the story” or whatever. Plus, the ones that seem willing to go the full monty are never the one’s you want to see nude anyway. For every movie with Ewan’s lightsaber, there’s one with Keitel’s bad lieutenant. Also, it seems women are less obsessed with seeing stars, or men in general naked, than the opposite. (The gays, however, most likely want a compelling story and cock shots. See Shortbus.)

Lastly, no matter how adventurous producers and writers may be, the movieplex is dominated mostly by the disposable income of teenage boys, who’d rather sit through a shit-awful movie for the chance to ogle Jessica Alba’s nipple for a scant second rather than see someone like whip it out for the sake of storytelling.

Dicks on screen, a trend or a momentary cultural anomaly? Developing.

Update:   Since all searches that end up at this entry seem to want one thing and one thing only –Viggo Mortensen’s schlong — here’s the scene from Eastern Promises via Queerty.  (NSFW, obvs.)

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3 Responses to Dick On the Box…and the Silver Screen

  1. Jane says:

    Speaking for heterosexual women: dicks are gross.

  2. cindy e. says:

    i was thinking about seeing Eastern Promises — now it’s a Must See!

  3. ephemerist says:

    Ah Cindy, disproving my theory that the ladies are less likely to flock to the cinema for some celebrity wiener. Thanks.

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