To Dine For: Hot Lunch


Oh, hey, fancy seeing you here at the Greenmarket. I didn’t think you cooked. Do you even have a kitchen in your studio? I thought you just had a hot plate and a folder of take-away menus.

Oh,you know me, I’m just picking up some grass-fed goat sausage and organic apple butter. Oh say, you like to eat out, have you heard of Hot Lunch? No, not what you’re thinking, silly. It’s this amazing new restaurant slash dining experience. I just went there with my “eating club.” God, that sounds so pretentious. We’re not “foodies” or anything, it’s just a couple of dedicated friends who get together and try new restaurants. Anyway, Hot Lunch. It’s like, based on, like, a school cafeteria. It’s a-maz-ing. Seriously. They actually rent out space in a public school after-hours, for that authentic feel, down on Avenue B. They donate money or something to the department of education, so it’s totally generous, you know? The rumor is they’re going to start serving brunch on the weekends, so fingers crossed.

All the servers and hostesses are these pubescent Eastern European Wilhelmina Models, but they put them in fat suits and hair nets. Some even have, like, fake moles with hair and stuff, you know, for the “lunch lady” look. So, they have variations on the standard cafeteria fare, but it’s all first-class ingredients. Like, you have to try the tots, which are similar to tater tots but made with polenta. Or definitely order the Kobe beef sloppy joe. It’s fish on Fridays, natch, line-caught sea bass usually. Oh, and the “mystery meat” is a must-do. Last week it was Argentinean-style skirt steak.

So you know, the tables are pretty segregated, it may bring back some unpleasant developmental period flashbacks. Ha ha. Like, There’s the jock table, I totally saw Derek Jeter there last week, and the newspaper table had Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich. Kimora Lee Simmons was there with her fashion posse. You have to make reservations, and seating is based on your career. Gosh, I don’t think there’s an off-off Broadway actor section, come to think of it. But Streep and Schreiber were there last week at the Broadway Drama Club table. They were so cute, doing improv skits and making faces in their mashed sweet potatoes. It’s so fun to, like, revisit those times, don’t you think? To be able to look back and laugh at all that popularity drama over a goat cheese and artichoke pizza and a carton of soy milk?

Anyway, you should totally try to go, it’s to dine for!

This entry was posted in Food, Humor, To Dine For. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to To Dine For: Hot Lunch

  1. Susan says:

    Did you just break into Mike Albo’s brain and steal his writing cells?

  2. ephemerist says:

    Um, it was an experiment in creative imitation? or something.

  3. Jane Gavin says:

    OMG. I’m so trying this place. That sounds like so much fun.

  4. ephemerist says:

    Sadly, there’s no section for non-professional bloggers. But keep trying!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s