Marc Spitz and His New Bowie Biography

Oh, so that’s what he’s been up to!  Quite excellent music journalist (and sometime playwright) Marc Spitz has written a new biography on David Bowie. In his introduction, Spitz answers the question you probably just asked in your head, “why do we need another Bowie biography?”    Indeed.  Well, after wrestling with himself, the decision was cemented in the author’s mind by a chance encounter on the street, one of those patented “New York moments.”  An excerpt:

‘Oh You’re Gonna Get a Big Love Touch’

I’ll just be upfront about this:  as as kid I really, really liked the movie Legal Eagles. I don’t know why!  It was not in the same way I liked Outrageous Fortune, which seemed sort of naughty and taboo, what with the swearing and the chair sex.  (Though in the film there is a quite good blowjob joke I never picked up on as a youngster.)  As Legal Eagles is now on Hulu I watched it again and nope, still don’t know why I liked it.  I did not want to be a lawyer when I grew up, and I had not an interest at that age in art world crimes.  But I remember vividly that I did, and kinda still do.  (Though Daryl Hannah’s performance art piece is so awful.  “Put out the fire!” Uh, yes please do and let’s never speak of this moment again, okay?)

I was struck though by the realization that I might, might have also been too fond of the Rod Stewart song from the film, “Love Touch.”  In my defense, in my preteen years I had zero, I mean zero, taste in music.  It was not something I sought out, it was just something that happened, when riding in the car or on the bus to school, just songs playing.  Too, I like how more often back then films had just one signature song, rather than now, where it’s just a grab bag of indie bands that anyone could curate by hitting shuffle on their iPod. (I’m looking at you, Amanda Scheer Demme.)

That was a long way around to explaining why if you click the video above you’ll be subjected to a terrible quality video of the Rod Stewart song.  (We won’t even bother to parse the lyrics, we’ve all got better things to do, like flossing or changing a lightbulb, which would be more edifying than a deconstruction of the sentiments in the song.)  So, then!  You’re welcome/I’m sorry.

Tiny Animals Are ‘Useless’

Say, have you heard of this band, Tiny Animals?  You should be wanting to know them, if you don’t already!  And I’m not just saying that because I’m friends with one of the members.

Anyway, here’s the video for their song “Useless” which is a fun romp that they shot the majority of upstate, and which I could’ve maybe appeared in, at that wicked pool party (there was a keg!), but and yet it’s best that I didn’t, since no one need see me in a swimsuit on camera.  But!  My body dysmorphia aside, do enjoy!  These kids deserve to be big.

Tin (Ear) Machine: The Attempt to Craft the ‘Ideal’ Bowie Song

In today’s intersection of David Bowie and science, Dr. Nick Troop, an expert in psychology from the University of Hertfordshire, analyzed the lyrics and chart positions of every Bowie song and album to craft what might be the ultimate, the “ideal” Bowie song:  “Team, Meet Girls; Girls, Meet Team.”  (Warning, the video begins all lecturey, so do not attempt to rock out until around the 4:30 mark.) But does it actually out-Bowie Bowie?  Let’s watch and learn.

Instant Verdict: It might sit alright on Bowie’s eponymous first album or on Hours.., where he attempted to unseat Sting as the adult contemporary king, but it’s no instant classic. No matter how alien Bowie fancied himself, he still had soul (however plastic).  And even his most coke-fueled lyrics weren’t this hippy-dippy bananas.

Maybe Placebo needs a new single, though, professor?  [Filter]

Charo Does Rihanna: Cuchi-Cuchi!

There was much I missed while sequestered in upstate New York.  (Though I did have stimulating,  late night drunken discussions about speculative fiction.  And also witnessed I’m pretty sure chemtrails, but that is conspiracy talk for another day!)  Anyway!  So Charo? Covering Rihanna?  On the Jerry Lewis telethon? Well, that is what YouTube is for.