LOLDaleks

The children, they who are our future (or so some profess, at least in song), are so hooked on the computers and the video games and the TV that they “are more likely to recognise fictitious Dr Who monsters like the Daleks than real life animals such as a barn owl.” Needless to say it’s from a British survey, because the only ones here in the States that could make that distinction are BBC watchin’ adults and a fair subset of the juvenile populace designated as giant nerds. (Um, I was one. Hello, weekend afternoon PBS airings of the Doctor during my formative years!). Anyway!

The online questionnaire for the National Trust found just 53 per cent of youngsters could correctly identify an oak leaf, while half could not tell the difference between a bee and a wasp. One in three children failed to identify a magpie and only 47 per cent correctly named a barn owl.

In contrast nine out of 10 were able to correctly name Doctor Who’s enemies the Daleks and a similar number recognised Star Wars’ Jedi grand master, Yoda.

The survey is part of a National Trust campaign launched in London aimed at encouraging families to spend more time together outdoors.

This may distress some, but I feel it’s good that children will be able to recognize something that will most likely resemble our alien overlords when they arrive, which should be circa anytime now.

So, This Isn’t Some Porn Thing? Okay!

So what do you do if you get beaten at Burnout Paradise by a youngster? If 12-year-old Najee Kennedy’s experience is anything to go by, you plug your webcam into your PS3 and give the victor a look at your butt. [Register Hardware]

Uh, I have no idea what this means nor do I want to. Me happy to be old and ignorant about such things.

Kids ruin Everything

Being a homosexual, I am not constrained by the societal norms to pro-create.  And, although many of my gay brethren are fathering children, I am still undecided when it comes to my desire to be a dad.

I think I would make a good father but I also like to be really selfish…so who knows.  Then comes this story from the New York Times.  Essentially, I am nearing my prime “furniture” buying years and I have some pretty refined tastes, so when I have the moolah, I am not going to be stopping by Ikea to get the goods.

But now I am worried.  What if I want to have kids later on and I have invested in all these great (and expensive) material possessions?  How will I protect them and my child?  After a little soul searching, I have found the answer….

I am just going to have a baby now!  Getting the baby having out of the way now is perfect timing, because I really don’t own anything nice for said baby to ruin.  Then I can have a baby shower to acquire all the necessary baby things. Two worries down!

Now, where does one go to buy a high-end, designer baby with Stain protector that will match the soft blue and tan color scheme of my hipster apartment?

Assigning Blame

Do you wonder, like me, what’s wrong with the kids these days. Like, why they are all whorily dressed anorexics who befriend the popular kids only to maintain a place in the social pecking order? One would be tempted to look to sites like Facebook and movies and TV as places to blame. Then one would read Bob Morris’ recent “Age of Dissonance” column and realize it’s clearly “stylish uncles” like him and obsessive parents who should bear the brunt. And Peggy Siegal: ‘“All I ever think about is whether my niece is popular, thin and happy enough,” said Peggy Siegal, the movie screening doyenne and New York social engine. “Her mother tells me I have very bad values.”’ Um, you don’t say.

As Cool as They Want to Be [NYT]

Tiny Paps

Once again, the Times is on top of the latest trends, and this time it concerns teenage paparazzi. Blaine, 15, and his friend Austin, 14, just seem to love spending their nights stalking celebs outside L.A. hot spots.

To which I say: Seriously? If this happened in New York those damn kids would be beaten down (one hopes).

Not only are they entrepreneurial (they’ve sold their photos to the Daily News and OK! magazine), but they’re industrious. The little buggers chase down celebs on their skateboards.

Alas, some pro paps aren’t too keen on the kids hanging in the dangerous world of star-stalking:

[P]rofessionals are disturbed at seeing Blaine, a high school sophomore, and Austin, a freshman, lingering outside nightclubs with thousands of dollars’ worth of camera equipment around their scrawny necks.

Sadly, the independent study kids’ “hobby” is totally enabled by their douchebag parents.

Both boys say they “do school” two times a week, visiting the City of Angels Independent Study School to drop off the tests and assignments they’ve completed at home. (Both enrolled at the school before pursuing their photography careers.)

This affords them free time to shoot during the day, as they bike and skateboard around Sunset Plaza and other close-to-home hot spots. At night, their parents play chauffeur; Mr. Hewison has even installed a dashboard DVD player in his Porsche 911 to wile away the time as he waits for Blaine to finish work.

But this being Hollywood, their obsession has garnered them their own level of notoriety.

“You do have the Hollywood access, you have the unusual after-school-job sort of thing, but to me that’s all backdrop,” said Jeffrey Wank, a talent agent [Ed. Note: an agent named Wank? Heh!] who read a news account of Blaine and Austin, and got them a deal to develop a reality show with a production company, World of Wonder, which has produced such series as “Tori & Dean: Inn Love” and “Wife, Mom, Bounty Hunter.”

What happened to the days when teens only wanted to like, smoke weed and play video games? And the only ones who deigned to photograph a star were the theater geeks who skulked outside the stage doors of Broadway shows?

Just One More Before Bedtime! [NYT]