This Week In Actor-Space Alien Relations

Shelley Duvall, apparently living in a state of bedragglement  in Blanco, Texas, has been busy boarding up the hole in her backyard, according to the hardware store “source” in her town, because that is where the dimensional portal resides that the aliens  travel through.  But strangely and also, “aliens are living in her body” already.  Are these separate alien factions?  This seems confusing!  And not at all up to the serious journalism we know the Enquirer to be capable of.  A full er, probe of this story is necessary.   National Enquirer [via Quiddity]

The Grim Reaper’s Culling of the Entertainment Industry Herd Continues Apace

I’m breaking my (self-imposed) broadcast silence for this update on the Summer of Perpetual Death: Both actor Les Lye, best known for his work on “You Can’t Do That on Television” and Gidget, the Chihuahua from the Taco Bell commercials, have died.  If you are tangentially connected to anyone who has appeared on teevee or recorded an album or written a book or maybe just sold mattresses in an infomercial, make sure they take their vitamins and schedule a check-up with their physician.  Though likely, NO ONE WILL BE SPARED.  [People; The Daily What]

Picture Pages: Mel Gibson Is Looking Fawkes-y

Blogarella, Or They Shoot Bloggers, Don’t They?

While young Hollywood upstart Ashton Kutcher (and his slightly less young paramour Demi Moore) have captured the attention of the  Twitterati, you may have missed the fact that screen icon Jane Fonda has been blogging.  Blogging old school, long form style.  She cannot be reduced to a mere 140 characters!  But why?  Blame fellow celebloggers Rosie O’Donnell and Lily Tomlin:  “You might wonder why, at age 71, I am launching my first blog. Well, good friends of mine (Rosie and Lily) have been avid bloggers for a long time and I’ve noticed that what they offer is interesting and provoking.”

Ah yes, the power of peer pressure and the need to express one’s feeeelings and opinions.  Well then, off to a good start!  And there is a requisite animal picture.  And then she blogs her thoughts on blogging. I think Ms. Fonda is going to take to this medium just fine.

My Blog/Jane Fonda [via Film Experience]

Paris Hilton’s Lady Junk Akin to a Luxury Good

In some sort of revisionist PR jujitsu, Paris Hilton is claiming she has only had sex with “a couple of people.” She cold fed that line to Glamour magazine, which didn’t even bother to dispute it.  “‘I think it’s important to play hard to get,’ offered Hilton. ‘Nobody wants the fake Prada bag; they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive.’”  Yes, the retroactively chaste heiress just compared her lady flower to a designer handbag. It gets worse.  As some sort of weird badge of pride, the American Handbag Lovers Association championed her claim, stating “We’re glad that Ms. Hilton has acknowledged our unique point of view by comparing her vagina to an expensive handbag.”  (Sidenote: Can someone check to see whether anyone’s gotten Herpes from a Birkin bag?)

Then later:  “Hilton obviously knows her precious vagina is on that level. It’s an expensive, classy vagina that—like a fine handbag—may take years to get, and not some stretched out old canvas Mossimo anyone with a Target card can buy.”  Hahaha, WHAT?! [E! Online]

Anyway!  Below is a list of equally absurd things  just as comparable to Paris Hilton’s vagina as an overpriced purse:

A kangaroo pouch

The shag-carpeted interior of a custom van

A jar of pennies

A cold bowl of Cream of Mushroom soup

Gandalf’s robe

A macrame plant holder

A geode

String theory