Love, Thy Name Is Bacon

There are many ways to show love, but the quickest way to Ephemerist’s heart is through cured pork. And though I’ve abstained lately, except for a mandated meeting of the barbecue club (which got a mention recently in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette thanks to an interview with one our founders) doesn’t mean my love for bacon and other pork products has diminished. Which is why my clogged heart leapt with joy at seeing Yes But No But Yes’s “Top Ten Bacon-Flavored Gifts for Valentines.”

A personal fave is item #2, bacon scented candles. Make that BLT candles, ensuring you get those pesky vegetables (at least the aroma thereof) included in your olfactory bacon adoration.

This Valentine’s, I may treat myself to an orgy of bacon, defying my diet, just to continue my lifelong romance of loving myself (to borrow from Oscar Wilde).

The Privelege of BBQ

A while ago I made slight mentioned of my BBQ club, which basically consists of me and three friends who meet semi-regularly to indulge in the finest barbecued pork flesh this fair city has to offer. The origins of the club are shrouded in mystery and the rules of membership arcane and Draconian. Actually, they aren’t. There are scant few rules (we’re still drawing up the bylaws) besides 1) you don’t eat ribs with a fork and knife and 2) the club doesn’t accept membership applications. We don’t even have a name yet, though we’re leaning towards “Barbecuties”! That doesn’t mean we don’t separately indulge in the pork with other friends, it’s just that “the club” is sort of exclusive, forged in the fires of a three month children’s theater tour; an experience that will bond anyone together (or unite them against a certain militant raw foodist with a penchant for wearing hemp karate pants. We sooo don’t like said individual, still!).

Anyhoo, as I was cleaning out my inbox, I came across a missive from a certain frenemy of the Barbecuties (just trying it out) who got wind of our little group and thought she deserved inclusion. Here’s the letter:

Y’all.

It has come to my attention that you are members of a certain BBQ club with a level of exclusivity that may even extend to me. [Redacted]. Who’s three favorite words in the English Language are “pulled pork platter”.

And while I would never dream of asking you to bend any rules or violate your code, I say unto you:

I love barbeque.
And I love you two.
And I don’t see enough of either.

And with just the power of the word “yes” we can change all that today.

You don’t have to call it a meeting of the club, you don’t even have to acknowledge that such a club exists: you need only say “yes”.

Yes to hanging out;
Yes to friendship;
Yes to Barbeque.

Reach into your hearts and say Yes.

Yours sincerely,

[Redacted]

We left it to our official spokesman to reply . His cogent dismissal after the jump.