Republicans Party Balls to the Wall

Sweet puckering pie holes! The odd, clandestine rites of the Grand Old Party continue to amaze. In between chatting up underage pages online and toe-tapping in public toilets, it seems like some of those hoary perverts like to gather (sans ladies cuz they ruin all the fun!) for a yearly celebration in which they fry up some lamb’s testicles. BALLS! In order to eat them! Because, it is said, they possess “unusual medicinal qualities.” (Pray they aren’t some sort of natural Viagra.)

The whys and the wherefores of this annual fete are beside the point, suffice it to say that the only reason this made it into print is that White House counsel Fred Fielding choked — though apparently on some other part of the lamb and not the aforementioned delicacy! So they claim! — and got double-teamed on the Heimlich maneuver by operatives from the failed presidential campaigns of Messrs. Romney and Huckabee. There to witness the heroic groping were Dark Lord Cheney and Sen. Ted “the internet is a series of tubes” Stevens. (Whether Fielding was actually choking or it was some elaborate game of grab-ass they play every year in order to lure each other into a bear hug and grunt, like horny prison inmates, is best not pondered.) [WaPo via Maddow]