Abercrombie & Stitches

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No good deed goes unpunished. Take wholesome American clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch, who donated $10 million dollars to an Ohio hospital. In a show of gratitude, the institution agreed to name the emergency department and trauma center after the company. A&F simply wanted to give back , and now they are mired in controversy. A group of vocal protesters, masquerading as “concerned citizens” are somehow incensed that this sunny clothing brand would benefit from their philanthropic contribution.

It is troubling that a children’s hospital would name its emergency room after a company that routinely relies on highly sexualized marketing to target teens and preteens,” the members of the coalition wrote in a letter that was sent on Tuesday to the hospital’s office in Columbus, Ohio.

One of these neo-puritans even called it “egregious,” claiming that these purveyors of well-constructed cotton t-shirts and cargo shorts are “corporate predators” responsible for “sexualizing and objectifying children.”

Clearly the “child advocates” do not have the best interest of the young patients in mind. just imagine, in another brilliant bit of synergy, what the restorative effects of having sponge baths administered by buxom sun-kissed blonde nurses would be, while ab-liscious, muscled young doctors homoerotically tussled with one another in the corridors, their new cargo pocket scrubs riding suggestively below their hips.

Why, their virility would be a veritable panacea to the infirmed. Think of the children!

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